i guess i can talk about how like, i had no support for my music growing up. and i guess how i didn't keep in touch with anybody from highschool.

so yeah, i was playing guitar in high school. i began in like freshman year, picked up some recording gear perhaps when i was 16 or earlier. anyway, i was recording songs. i went through recently and listened to 'em, they're labeled as tascam 1 - 36 or so, and they get the name from the box they were recorded on, a tascam something such homestudio. and yeah. none of these songs were ever listened to by anybody. i gues at the time i didn't know a single person who'd care to stomache more than five of my songs. most much less. but yeah. anita was talking about how you need people to support you in your art. and all that. and i guess thats true. looking back, since it's been now nearly six years since i graduated, i can see how little i've really gained.

there was a kid, elliot cardinoux, and in about the span of a single year, he managed to galvanize the support of the entire upper school for his piano talents. me on the other hand, i only managed to really get a smattering of applause on my recidal, while i'd been recording and playing nearly in secret for about four years. anyhow, yeah, not many people ever heard the bulk of my music.

however i don't really feel like that was my main problem. i think artists usually find that sort of stuff, as they work through their craft, working to get recognition, well, recognition is bestowed upon those who work at their craft, publically. however i was kept from doing so, for a few reasons. mainly not being able to get over the immigration. the pressures and difficulties of it. the trauma of losing friends and family, losing community and not gaining anew, that'd really fuck any person, let alone myself. plus the crazed nature of the things i'd come across in america, such as the racism, the isolation, the radically different way of thinking encountered at the schools, amongst the friends, in the community, and the like. it fucking made shit difficult.