alright, so what can i bring up today?

i guess i could talk about how lonely i was when we moved over to chicago in '91 from blackburn. also what else is there... i guess i could talk about the black kids and the beat ups in the busses in chicago as well.

so like, back in '91 my folks moved us out to america from england. first time we'd moved outa the country, new friends new town etc. new country even. we flew over the atlantic, and uh, yeah. went down to chicago. we stayed up with my aunts, who sucked. they were fucking boring. like there was nothing in those houses to do. like absolutely nothing at all. we'd just sit around all day and just fucking watch tv. it was fucking shitty. but we were in teh fucking basement. and we'd fucking watch star trek the next generation andshit. and like uh, yeah. there was a fucking excersize machine. and shit like that.

anyway yeah, we didnt hang out with many people. i thikn there was one kid who lived nearby, whose house jasbir masiji drove us out to. we caught eminem on tv, what's my name? or whichever one where he's pretending to be the president.

but yeah. anyway it was fucking shitty. i can't think of any friends that we had. we moved out of my aunts house, while we stayed there i would just go out and play with the ants out in the yard, or just go inside and watch tv. besides that, and action figures, there was literally nothing to do. it was fucking shitty. but yeah. then we'd moved houses to our own place eventually. before that though we were with my aunt, ranbir. and out there there was a sister and a brother that used to live in the complex. like, they were the only people we'd hang out with besides each other. my sister and i basically kept each other company while we sat around bored, doing nothing. it was shitty and boring and it sucked hah. but yeah. anyway.

chris i think? and a sister. dont remember. but ranbir's house sucked too. millions of fucking rules, and nothing to fucking do. fucking boring as shit, and even a shitty tiny tv that sucked. so we finally got our own place, but shit didnt get much better. there was a playground but we knew nobody in the neighborhood, so we just went down when our mom took us there, and id swing on the tire swing, by myself. it was pretty fuckin sad. and my sister'd do the same. we'd go on the slides and shit. and our mom'd be there. but otherwise we'd rarely leave the place. i can remember my sister riding a bike down the sidewalk in ranbir's neighborhood, she fell over the handle bars trying to keep up with me, and hurt her teeth. i was worried that she'd have lost a tooth. another time, the door was locked, and i think i had to crawl through the window in order to get the door open for our apartment. i think i remember there was a dog that was right on the corner there. we had a front yard, and i think we buried a fish there. we had a nanny, indian woman, cuoldnt speak more than broken english, and we'd watch a show called something like trouble in paradise. or something like that. anyway yeah, we'd watch xena on tv, and the trouble in paradise show, and uh, yeah besides that, we had a staircase, a fish with a tank, my mom had her study room, where she spent a good long while because she was studying to become a doctor in america? i think. im not sure. and yeah we had the fish upstairs. and i think it was fucking boring. i think there was a cousin of either ranbirs or jasbirs that came around alot. i think he ended up getting introduced to guggi's sister from england and they saw each other a bit. but i dont think anything came of it.

we used to drive down to a palce called devon street. that was the mecca for indians in skokie, it was a street real long with just hundreds of idnian stores restaurants and other businesses. it was amazing. saris and shit. and dosa shops, we'd go in and sit down, my aunt'd know the owner, or just what to say. a good dosa'd have tons of softness to it, a bad one'd be crispy. my aunt'd always get the crispy shit, we'd love the soft shit. so that was good.

my uncle'd walk @ the lake at nights, and we went out with 'em a couple times. it always smelled like fish. he liked it though. we found a butterfly there once, monarch. my uncle gave us a brown oldsmobile to drive, and we took that with us to ohio when we went. we went in like, 95, and i think we stopped over at chicago first to get the car and other things. but yeah.

it was shitty over there.

but then there was all the shit at school. so obviously i looked different. i probably sounded different too. but on the busses i'd get on and i'd get made fun of. sometimes i'd get beaten up. when i say beaten up i mean someone'd start hitting me, and i'd hitt hem back. but usually they'd be stronger, so it'd be a simple matter of the stronger kid winning. thats all hah. not like i trained in a fucking gym or anything. nah i wsa in my fucking aunts basement watching fucking star trek. thats how our evenings went.

there was this chick across the yard whose name i fucking forgot, but she had this morning show, bozo the clown? anyway yeah it was kinda fucking itneresting. but i look back on that whole fucking experience and i think, where the fuck were the people my age. where the fuck were my friends. where teh fuck was anything at all familiar. but nah, it was all gone. life over in chicago, or rather, the indian ghetto also known as skokie, was fucking shitty. we'd had all sorts of desperate indians all around us, and it was here in the indian ghetto that my two aunts had etched a life out for themselves. over in england we lived in a fucking ... suburb in a small town, and we lived in a cul de sac. but yeah it was fucking rediculous. so yeah.

we were basically moving from small town england to metropolis america. and what a fucking drop in quality of life. living in the slums of chicago doesnt fucking compare to the green fields of englands rural towns and villages, and thats the fucking life we traded in. and for what, a few extra bucks? so they supposedly "made it" and got out to ohio, big fucking deal. we moved to a fucking conservative valley of fucking douche bags. whatever slums disappeared, were exchanged for brutal conservatism and brute tendancies amongst the people. midwesternism, christian bible thumpers, frontierism, appalachianism, fucking rediculousness. not my fucking style of living, thats for fucking sure.