coming home

so i guess i'll try and redo the post on coming home.

well, vivek died, and i felt like i needed to punish myself. i felt like i was out of control. it was crazy. i was in my room alone alot. i was taking any drug given to me. i was writing music all day.

it wasnt good. i was lonely. i was sad. i was guilty. i was crushed. i was defeated.

i came home. i moved in. i slept in my bedroom. i gave up. i let time pass. i rotted. i festered. i gave up. i abandoned myself. ( like a ghost town - or a derelict ship ). ( the skeleton coast ). i laid in bed. i played games. i stopped music. i wasted time. i talked. i expressed. i learned. i grew. i gained weight. i lost confidence.

i felt i needed punishment. i felt i needed isolation. i felt i needed control. i felt i needed imprisonment. i overlooked my parents. i overlooked beavercreek. i felt i needed stability. i felt i needed normalcy.